Ever felt as if you are living in a parallel universe? Yep, me too! A trip to the supermarket this morning has reminded me of why I like books more than I like people. What is wrong with everyone? And will someone please explain the global obsession with toilet rolls?
Nowhere have I read that this virus requires an abundance of 2-ply or pasta. Maybe I missed the memo about the zombie apocalypse, or the last ever ‘Best Pasta Art in a Crisis’ competition – Who knows!
I used to collect milk bottle tops for charity, maybe it’s something like that, in which case I applaud all of you selfless creatures for doing your bit for humanity. Or, perhaps you are all hosting massive neighbourhood pasta bake-outs for the vulnerable people within your communities? Again you will get nothing but praise from me. If, however, your garage has been converted into a European mountain range, made up of fragrant smelling soft white’s topped off with layers of Farfalle & Penne, then SHAME ON YOU! What the hell were you thinking? No amount of pasta or toilet rolls are going to stop you from getting this wretched virus; it’s a PAN_DEM_IC. Sadly what your actions will do is to stop those who need those items from getting them. So if you are one of the many who temporarily forgot what it means to be human, you are forgiven. Get yourself and your plentiful supply of ____________ (paracetamol, pasta, toilet roll, flour – you fill in the blanks) down to your local food bank and donate as if your life depended on it – OK? It costs nothing to be kind, in return, you will get a nice warm fuzzy feeling, and the inner self-loathing you felt when you started reading this post will be gone.
Here endeth today’s lesson.